Questions and Answers
by TheSilverHairedMaiden
Summary: A series of crack-tasic stories about our favourite PoR characters in all sorts of awkward situations! Inspired by those things where you list your favourite characters and then answer questions about them! Involves hugs, marriages, and randomness! RandR!
1. Chapter 1

Hi everyone!

You know those forms that tell you to list your favourite character and then answer the questions they ask? Yeah, well, I was filling one out, and my friends demanded I make a little story out of it. Against my better judgement, I agreed.

This is the result! Since it was me answering the questions, I had no choice but to involve myself, (or a persona of me, named Carmen) with these stories.

Read and Review!

Question: What would you do if #1 (Soren) woke you up in the middle of the night?

Soren, as usual, was deeply annoyed at the moment by the sleeping girl. She had no right to be sleeping at this time, when things were so out of hand. He didn't care if she was sick, she needed to be ready to fight at a moment's notice, and underneath a pile of covers wasn't exactly a readied battle position. He prodded her yet again with his Elfire Tome, but she didn't even stir.

"Wake up, now." he commanded, to no avail. Carmen kept sleeping. Soren rolled his eyes towards the ceiling, wondering why it had been him who was volunteered to wake her up. That damned Ike.

Prodding her once more, she finally shifted and groaned a little before cracking a tired eye open.

Ike silently wondered in then to ask the mage why he wasn't back yet, but saw Carmen sitting up slowly and Soren waiting impatiently. Following Ike, Mist and Rhys also walked in, carrying soup and biscuits for the sick girl. Carmen smiled sleepily, thanking them for the food they brought and coming to check on her. After waking up a little more, a confused look spread across her face.

"Why did you wake me up? It's the middle of the night." she asked, glancing around the room at each of the Mercenaries faces. Mist chuckled.

"It's just past noon." the brown haired girl replied as she absently took one of the biscuits she brought for the other girl. Carmen swatted it out of her hand and hissed "MIIIIIIIIIINE!" at her. Mist grinned as the others exchanged raised eyebrows at them. The two girls laughed. Soren was simply uncaring of the matter, and wasn't really listening as Mist told a long and boring story about something involving the two girls and a biscuit. It couldn't have been that fascinating.

"So why'd you all wake me up?" asked Carmen, munching on her small piece of snack. Her soup lay forgotten, but that was okay, because they hadn't remembered she hated soup. Except for Soren, but he never forgot anything. He had to know everything about everyone for battle strategy, which made him very observant of the army's preferences and such. As for her question, that was a slightly different matter. Soren hadn't forgotten they were marching today, but the girl obviously had. He rolled his eyes, causing her to frown.

"What!" she asked, and the two started glaring at each other. They had tempers that didn't mix. _She's so stupid sometimes_, Soren thought, continuing to glare at the bedridden girl. _She's always asking questions with obvious answers! _

"We're marching today. I told you that yesterday. Weren't you listening?"

She shrugged. "Probably not." Soren's temper flared again as the girl disrespected him in his face. Not that he cared. Ike, Mist and Rhys were watching the exchange, none of them quite stupid enough to step in while they were both annoyed.

A tense silence followed Carmen's remark, finally broken by Mist. "All of you, out!" she demanded suddenly. "If we're marching, she has to get dressed. So out!" And that was apparently final. Before the men in the room even got up the leave, however, Carmen asked another bad question.

"Do I have to get dressed? Can't I just kill Daein soldiers in my pyjamas?" she grinned, completely cheered up. Soren rolled his eyes for the third time in not even five minutes.

"You have to get dressed because battle clothes are better for fighting than sleepwear, and we don't want you dying because of something as trivial as insisting on a point so incredibly stupid." he explained in a somewhat irritated tone, despite how calm he wanted to sound.

There was a long pause yet again, where no guilt found its way into Soren's mind. Maybe he said something a little harsher than intended, but the girl was only joking around. That didn't mean it annoyed him any less. Carmen, to his surprise, only grinned wider.

She suddenly threw her arms around the mage and shouted "I KNEW YOU LOVED ME!"

Soren's eye twitched. Mist laughed loudly. Ike looked confused. Rhys face palmed. Carmen only hugged tighter.

Answer: Scream something ridiculous and hug him. Everyone like hugs, right?

Urgh, what was I thinking when I wrote this? Sorry for that. Reviews are loved


	2. Chapter 2

Firstly- thank you as usual to Syner for beta reading!

Rapis-Razuri- excellent use of the word "glomp"! review made me smile :)

Cazcappy- hooray! Dedicated reviewer, you are! Thanks you very much!

Kamai-Rui- There just may have to be a bonus chapter of Soren smiting Carmen... Thanks for reviewing!

I already have the next bit done, too, so it can be posted soon!

ONWARD!

Question: What would you do if #3 (Marcia) walked in while you were showering?

The sound grew louder and louder as Marcia approached it, following it relentlessly through the halls. She should have known where it had been coming from all along. The melodious voice she had been tracking finally grew loudest at the door of the washing hall, on which Marcia pressed her ear against. She grinned.

"It's coming from here, guys!" she said, and her fellow trackers immediately turned the corner at her call. Tormod, Mia, Boyd and Rolf, all resident troublemakers, had also been searching for the origin of the voice alongside the Falcon Knight. They eagerly pressed their own ears against the oak door where there was room, grinning evilly and listening hard. The voice was a girl's, a little higher than most people's, and was very beautiful. The team of troublemakers could barely make out the words to the song, annoying Marcia greatly, but the tune was enough for her to catch on to the song. Goddess, she had an awful taste in songs.

"I dare you to go in, Boyd!" Rolf snickered, prodding his older brother with his finger. "Scare the life outta her."

"No! I'd get murdered by Mist if she heard I was walking in on girls while they showered, you little moss-head!"

"Then how 'bout Marcia goes in?" chimed in Mia.

Marcia chocked on air, backing away from the door. "No way! Why don't _you_ go?"

"Because you looooove her!" the swordswoman replied with a pointed grin. Tormod smiled stupidly and volunteered to walk in himself, only to be shut down by a loud "NO!" from everyone in the corridor.

Marcia turned back to Mia, putting her hands on her hips.

"Exactly! She said indignantly. "That's why I can't go in! She'll hate me!" Tormod coughed a little.

"Well I don't care." huffed Mia, with an air of finality. Rolf then pulled an ordinary hairpin of Mist's out of his pocket and held it out to Mia. She took it and easily slid it into the lock. She flicked her wrist sharply, and a brief _click_ was heard. She hesitated for a second, wondering if the sound had alerted the showering person, but the uninterrupted singing gave her confidence on their stealth skills. Turning the doorknob quietly and opening the door, she began to usher the Falcon Knight in.

"No, please! Don't do this! She'll hate me!" Marcia begged in a final attempt. She was pushed in anyways, and the door was swung shut behind her. The lock clicked.

_Damn them! _She hissed mentally. Her body was rigid with fear at being caught, and heat was rising into her face already.

The bathroom was very, very large, many showerheads in one warm brown-tiled room, while many individual stalls of translucent glass were available as well. It was big enough for the female population of the army, which wasn't nearly as large as the men. Only one stall was occupied, by Carmen, of course.

Marcia suddenly realized that there was no singing, and the loud running water was gone. Panicking, she started trying to think up excuses or anything that would make the truth a little less harsh. Nothing really came. Swearing mentally, Marcia braced herself for when Carmen found her.

The stall door clicked open. Marcia squeezed her eyes shut to lessen the pain. There was a loud gasp, and the Flacon Knight cracked an eye open, blushing tomato red. But it wasn't Carmen there, it was Oscar.

Outside, Boyd, Rolf, Mia and Tormod were clutching their sides howling with laughter as Marcia's scream echoed through the corridor. The real Carmen was still singing in the _real_ girl's bathroom.

Answer: You know, I think I'll manipulate this so she walks in on someone else. Let's watch, kiddies!

Oh no, another story that should never be exposed to the public. I'm beginning to question my morals. Review please


	3. Chapter 3

Here it is people! I'm sorry for the wait, I did have this done a while ago, but couldn't post it due to the fact that my computer's a dinosaur. Chapter 4 is in progress, but I'm stuck... if anyone has something randomly funny to put in, I'd love to incorporate it!

Sorry in advance to how crack-filled this chapter is. ENJOY AND REVIEW!

Beta-ing as usual courtesy of Syner.

Question: What if #4 (Naesala) announced he is getting married to #9 (Mist)?

It was dinner time in the mess tent, and the entire army (well, the people we know, not the random soldiers you never see) was sitting down to a full-blown feast. Naesala insisted on doing dinner tonight, and he found the finest chefs in the country to prepare it. Everything had to be perfect for the announcement.

He had never expected to find love in this war. War was meant to tear people apart, not bring them together. What he expected even less was to fall in love with someone related to the blundering moron who ran the army. No, not Skrimir, the other blundering moron, Ike. He had fallen in love with the younger sister of the commander.

Beautiful Mist, a young brown eyed healer with a large heart and girlish demeanour. He never stopped thinking about her, with her soft face and flushed skin... her determination and bravery... she was incredible.

"Excuse me? Your highness?" a loud female voice questioned suddenly. Naesala turned to see Carmen standing there, holding a tray of chocolate strawberries.

"Yeah?"

"You never told me where you wanted me to put these." she said, lifting the tray as an indication. "Oh, and, you're sorta staring off into space with this glassy look. People are gonna think you're having a psychic vision or something." she tacked on, obviously holding less respect than she should for the Raven King.

"Oh, right." he simply replied, not bothering to point out that only someone like her would think he was having a "psychic vision". Weird child, this one. "You can put those over there, with the fruits."

"I think they should be put with the dessert, not the fruit. That's suggesting they're somewhat healthy, and no one will take any other fruit on the table."

Naesala blinked. "Um... alright. Put them with the desserts then." Wow. Disrespected to his face by a thirteen year old beorc kid. Again.

"Right-o" she responded with a lazy mock salute, then strutted off.

Back in psychic vision land, Naesala was pondering possible consequences he would face when he made his announcement in front of Ike, who was likely to brutally murder him. The commander wouldn't be happy to find out the untrustworthy Raven King loved his sister when he hadn't even known they were aware of each other's presence. Naesala would bet anything that his tactician figured it out months ago.

Naesala then noticed the army had been filing into the tent for some time now, and most everyone was present. Five more minutes until announcement time. The person who caught his attention the most, however, was Ike. He was the... most present of them all, you could say.

He was sitting nearest the end of the table, beside Soren, who was being clung onto mercilessly by Carmen. She was shouting about their upcoming wedding, which Soren apparently had never agreed to, judging by the way he was whamming his head on the table.

"AND WE'RE GONNA RENT PONIES, AND EAT CAKE, AND SING SONGS, AND FLY TO MARS, AND..."

Naesala chuckled. That could have been him. Soren was shooting desperate looks at Ike, but the commander seemed agitated for some reason. Had Mist said something? By the way, where was she? He couldn't see her anywhere...

One minute left before announcement time, and Mist walked in. She sat beside Carmen, two places away from her brother. Naesala wished she'd have sat further; he didn't want her hurt in Ike's inevitable rampage. She smiled excitedly at him, reassuring him. Time to go.

Naesala stood up and cleared his throat for attention, but nobody heard. "Um... attention...?"

"OY, LISTEN UP, MAGIC PYSHCICH IS PERFORMING!" screamed Carmen loudly. Everyone turned to look at her, so she pointed to the Raven King. All the heads turned to him.

Naesala's eye twitched. Thanks a lot, Carmen. She waved.

"Well, you see... I've become quite close to a few people in this army, with all the teamwork and colleagues and... stuff... but there is one person in particular who has become more significant than I would ever imagine. I never want to go without her... and now I will never have to. Because... Mist and I are getting married!"

Mist squealed and rushed to his side, throwing her arms around him. He hugged her back subtly. Nobody spoke. Nobody moved. The silence ate at Naesala, but Mist relished in it.

"HOLY SOTHES ON A UNICORN, CAN I SING AT YOUR WEDDING?" Carmen shouted, breaking the silence far louder than she needed to.

"It was one time, okay? Stop bugging me!" wailed Sothe indignantly.

Micaiah was snorting with laughter, gasping the words, "But... you... hahah!... you screamed so loud!... and spooked all the unicorns!"

The hall, erupting with laughter at Sothe and cheers for the newly engaged couple, didn't think to see how Ike would react. Mist and Naesala, however, watched him get redder and redder until he looked ready to burst. People were still screaming.

"When is the wedding?"

"Where's it gonna be?"

"What are you going to wear, Mist?"

"I prefer cheesecake!"

"-But then the unicorn ran away!"

"IS THERE GOING TO BE PONIES!"

"-And when I looked back out the window, it was gone!"

"I like your lifejacket."

"No, no, no, it was blue, then green, then purple!"

"I shampoo it every day."

Soren was staring wide eyed at Ike, possibly contemplating whether or not to take cover. Shinon was laughing audibly at the commander. Mist was surrounded by excited girls, but remained clinging to her fiancé's arm.

Ike, however, was ready to explode, and did, right on cue. The hall went quiet as Naesala called attention to himself to answer questions and invites issues, and Ike stood up slowly. Naesala raised an eyebrow.

"Yes Ike?"

With a roar, Ike flipped a table with one hand, sending everyone flying. Soren tumbled to the ground as did Shinon, who was cursing loudly. The commander was red in the face and yelling unintelligibly, seemingly about everything wrong with life. A few words could be made out.

"MY OWN SISTER-" "YOU-!" "AND CARMEN, WITH THE GODDESSDAMNED PONIES!" A few choice swears later, the enraged commander slowed his speaking and pursued a more physical form of destruction. People ran screaming in terror as he lifted Rolf with one hand and threw him out a window. (A tent window. Play along, okay?) Shinon squealed and rocketed after his fellow archer, whacking Carmen unnecessarily upside the head as he went, cutting off her yelling about ponies and how Ike couldn't possibly hate them.

Ike continued demolishing things for a few minutes afterwards, only stopping when the tent had been completely evacuated except for his sister and Naesala, who were both staring with questionably raised eyebrows.

He turned to Naesala and stared him in the eye. The king did all he could not to flinch.

"And to think I was going to get you a restraining order against Carmen." Ike stated.

"Mist, we're getting divorced."

Somewhere in the distance, Carmen was sitting with all her fellow evacu-ies. Her sonar hearing picked up on everything that had been going on with the people still in the mess tent.

"Am I really that bad?" she questioned to nobody in particular. They all turned to her and shouted, "YES!" Except for some people such as Shinon, who was covering Rolf's ears with his hands as he cussed the girl out. She blinked and threw her arms around him.

"You're my new favourite! We're gonna rent ponies, and eat cake, and sing songs, and fly to mars, and-!"

Soren grinned and high-fived Titania, who was sitting beside him. He grinned evilly at the archer. "Good luck."

Shinon twitched.

Answer: Classic! I'd insist on planning their wedding, of course! However, I don't think I'd have as big a problem with their marriage as Ike would...

Okay, that was just too random. Any guesses on who would wear a life jacket to dinner? I know I haven't. Also, I just may have to write the Sothe on a Unicorn Incident.

This chapter was greatly inspired and helped by my best friend, and of course, my reviewers!

Review please! :)


	4. Chapter 4

Hello everyone! Firstly, I want to give a HUGE thanks to everyone who reviewed! I'm replying to them all below. In a while. After my blurb. Be patient.

I was surprised to see the feedback for all this- it was just something I'd typed up when I was really hyper. I never even meant to post it! O.o Your reviews and favourite-ings mean a lot to me!

There is looking to be 54 chapters total, (OH DEAR _GOD!)_and this is only #4... 50 left! Plus at least one bonus for sure- the Sothe on a Unicorn incident shall be written. 55 chapter of whatever the hell this nonsense is. Woo.

This story switched POV a lot to cover all the madness, but later chapter will try to stick to Carmen.

Secondly, there was a... request for more laguz in this chapter, quite possibly some Ranulf. I think I could work that in. ;D

Thirdly, this chapter contains references to Lord of the Rings, Garfield, and Family Feud. None of them is major or important, so if you don't know one or the other, it' not crucial or anything. Bonus points and celery sticks to anyone who gets the Garfield reference.

Fourthly, this chapter gets a liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittle off topic at one point (okay, constantly), but in my defence, I don't think well on days that and with "y".

Fifthly and finally, I forgot to do review replies for chapter 2, so here they are too.

Review Replies!

CHAPTER 2 REVIEWS:

Cazcappy: I'm really glad you like the ending, because frankly, I did as well. I didn't mean to write it like that, it just kinda came out.

Rapis-Razuri: You pointed out how Boyd and Rolf were in on the joke, and that made me laugh... I also failed to notice. It just wrote itself, and I made it up as I went!

Angel of Darkness and Light: OH DEAR LORD! MY EYES STILL BURN WHEN I REMEMBER THAT CHAPTER!

CHAPTER 3 REVIEWS:

Angel of Darkness and Light: Hearing you think that this story is funny really makes my day. I didn't really ever think of myself as a comedian, but hearing that Carmen's ponies thing was great was just awesome! It reminded me of how me and my best friend laugh at fanfics, too, and it's weird being on the otherside!

Cazcappy: I think I already replied to you on that one, so I'll say this: THANKS FOR THE REVIEW! :D

Avelinne: Oh my gosh, this review made me BLUSH. That means so, so much to me! When you said, "and finally the horrifying Ike who throws young children out of windows and hates ponies!" I laughed really hard myself! Your review made the whole week! And of course, who can resist Shinon? Not Carmen! I LOVE YOU TOO!

Lady Midday: The mental image haunts me, as well, but wait till you read this chapter...

Laguzgirl13: Thank you! Comedic Gold, you say? That's really awesome! More laguz in this chapter, there are. Naesala, Janaff and Ranulf galore!

OneWingedHeron53: Thanks for sending in a joke! I really appreciate that, and I incorporated it into this very chapter!

P: Yes, yes it was. *stirked pose*

That's ALL the replies this time! ON WITH THE NONSENSE!

Question: What if #5 (Mia) cooked you dinner?

"Hey, Carmen, meet me in the mess tent at seven tonight." Mia smiled.

"Um, alright." She answered. She was shockingly quite normal while not around any people she was obsessed over. She was even smart. Okay, that was a lie. "Why? We organizing another prank on someone?" She asked, quite possibly making reference to the time they drove Ranulf insane with a mouse on a string. He chased the thing all over the camp for hours.

"You know it. Guess who we're getting?"

"Naesala?" She guessed, the corner of her mouth turning up. He deserved it joking about divorcing Mist. They were still getting married of course, and she knew he was only joking, but she was still a little hurt. And a little hurt was enough for Mia and Carmen to want revenge.

"Yessir. I'm not sure what we're doing yet, but since the wedding is today, I say we pull something now. Something BIG. Something simple yet extravagant!"

"What if we got Tibarn in on this? That would lighten things up, and we won't get in trouble. Or Reyson, cause he's friends with Naesala."

"Awesome. So be in the mess tent at seven, got it?" Carmen saluted and bounced off.

Mia grinned, and muttered under her breath. "Perfect."

XXX

Meanwhile, in Marcia and Mia's tent, Marcia was sifting idly through her best clothing. Not that she really owned any, but she was searching desperately anyways. Tonight, she planned to impress Carmen once and for all. Carmen didn't even know she existed; the only time she ever spoke to her directly was when she (quite hypocritically) pointed out her brother was a moron. Marcia craved her attention ever since. She knew that they would be best friends, she could just tell.

And how was she going to do this? Simple. She was going to do something BIG. At Naesala's wedding, quite possibly. Simple... yet extravagant. Perfect.

Grinning wickedly, she set out to find Ranulf and Janaff, who were huddled together in front of a tiny T.V.

"Hey, guys! Listen, I need your he-"

"QUIET! FAMILY FEUD IS ON!" Shouted Ranulf, frantically waving her away. Marcia looked at the screen. For once, they weren't just watching static.

"Name a wooden instrument." Said the host, turning to one of the competitors.

Ranulf and Janaff immediately began shouting answers.

"A WOODEN FLUTE!"

"BONGOS!"

"DIGEREEDOOS!"

"THE HORN OF GONDOR!"

"THAT WAS IVORY, RANULF!"

"LIKE YOU WOULD KNOW!"

"LIKE I WOULDN'T!"

"WHY DO YOU ALWAYS SMELL LIKE OATMEAL?"

"WHY DO YOU ALWAYS MAKE LORD OF THE RINGS REFERENCES IN FIRE EMBLEM STORIES?"

The two, who were now rolling around on the ground in attempts to pin each other, both shot upright when the contestant answered: "Guitar!"

"...Why didn't we think of that?" Wondered Janaff. Both of them stared blankly at the screen. It returned to its usual static. Silence followed, in which the three of them simply watched the static.

"So, about that favour...?" Began Marcia, suddenly unsure whether she really wanted any help from these two.

Janaff slowly spun around in an office chair, his face hidden in the shadows. Nobody bothered to point out that a chair, (and now an oak desk) appeared from nowhere.

"I am... afraid I cannot help you." He mumbled in a strongly accented voice. "Unless... what is in it for me?"

"Oh, um... er... I can... fix your television so it doesn't only play static...?" Marcia answered nervously.

"A threat? That is brave, lady... quite brave..."

"You mean you like watching static all day?"

"That's classified."

"Ah."

"I'll tell you this. I will help you with this... favour... if you can help me with something."

"Like?"

"You will organize a camp-wide game show, and Sir Ranulf and I shall compete to see who really is the best."

XXX

"SHINON! YOU LOVE ME, RIGHT?"

"For the goddess' sake, Carmen, no!"

"SHINON! IF I HAD A ROCKET, WOULD YOU FLY WITH ME TO MARS?"

"Actually, yes." He replied, subtly raising a suggestive eyebrow. At that moment, the world stopped turning. Everyone who heard him actually agree to one of Carmen's obsessive and generally repulsive fantasies dropped dead. Nearby birds fell out of trees. Mothers screamed and covered their children's ears. It stopped snowing in Canada.

Under his breath, Shinon grumbled, "And then I'd leave you there."

Somewhere in the distance, Ulki snorted with laughter and the snow began falling once more in the country of maple syrup and beavers. Mothers took their hands off their children's ears. Nearby birds inexplicably defied gravity and were sucked back into the trees.

Mist trotted along just then, looking tired and out of breath from jogging across the camp.

"Carmen, I need your help." Those words were considered forbidden all around Tellius, especially after _another_ incident Carmen caused, this one involving ravioli and an electric floor waxer. But... nobody really liked to talk about that. However, Mist was desperate, and this was a matter that made so little sense only one person in all the camp could understand it.

Carmen was latched firmly onto the arm of Shinon, who had stopped struggling the better part of three months ago.

"Yeeeeeeeeeeees?" The office chair she used to spin slowly around in had been stolen by Janaff, and she was now discovering that four-legged wooden chairs didn't work quite the same.

"Well, you see, there's this thing going around, and people are saying it's contagious..."

"Oh, you mean smiles! Smiles are contagious! Or is that the flu?"

"The flu. Anyways, you remember when Ike threw Rolf out the window? Well he caught something afterwards. It seems that the people who were injured in Ike's... reaction... are now suffering from some form of-" She whipped her head around to look intensely into the camera. "-Italiano-pasta-nosis."

"I thought that was the disease that turned you into a meatball."

"...Then maybe it was smiles..."

"Rolf was smiling because Ike threw him out a window? This sounds serious..."

"Why are you here?" Grumbled Shinon, attempting to spare himself from the torture of failed diagnosticians.

"People won't stop smiling, and its grating on my nerves."

"And that's bad?"

"Well it is because I'm completely stressed right now, and I'm supposed to be the happy one."

Carmen gave a feral grin. "You mean you want me to stop everyone from smiling?"

"No, I want you to make me laugh."

And Carmen knew the best way to do just that. Something BIG. Something simple, yet... extravagant... perfect.

XXX

Finally, the time for the wedding had come! It was three in the afternoon, and every single one of our not-nameless friends gathered in the halls of Castle Crimea. The ballroom, where both the marriage and after party were to take place, was vastly decorated in all sorts of royal silks and stereotypical wedding stuff. Roses and ice sculptures and ornaments made of either glass or diamond with no distinct shape to them, but everyone was too polite to ask what they were. The cake was large and over the top, and the table stacked with wedding gifts toppling unevenly and nearly reached the ceiling.

The guests were all mingling, and the bride had yet to appear, as did her bridesmaids, who consisted of Titania and Mia. Everyone seemed to be enjoy themselves and had a chance to talk to those they usually didn't get an opportunity to. Carmen was happily chatting away to Zelgius about who knows what with Shinon by her side. She had him handcuffed to her now, it seemed. Janaff and Ranulf were busy spiking the fruit punch, and Micaiah was doing yet another re-enactment of the now famous Sothe on a Unicorn incident. Sothe himself could be seen curled up in a ball in the far corner of the room, being comforted by slightly unsteady-looking Sanaki, who apparently already had a few glasses of punch.

However Marcia, Reyson and Tibarn were nowhere in sight, and nobody could guess why. Before anyone had time to think to hard about, though, the wedding march suddenly blared, and the room fell dead silent. You know, except for the blaring music.

Heads turned to the large, wide staircase as Titania and Mia appeared, brandishing bouquets and waving merrily. The audience held their breath as Mist came into view on her brother's arm, looking radiant beyond belief. Catcalls were provided by Janaff and Ranulf.

After a lot of walking down stairs and Rhys saying prayers and reciting vows, it was time for the finale.

Naesala had Mist's hands in his own, leaning down to kiss her, when a loud snap echoed through the hall. Carmen and Mia shot upright, shooting glares and nervous looks everywhere, seemingly knowing what was about to happen...

And suddenly, a bucketful of gold, flaky glitter had fallen, coating Naesala from head to toe.

At first, there was a silence that actually went uninterrupted. Maybe because there was no right or wrong thing to say. There were no laughs, no motions to rise.

And then, of course, the inevitable. Roars of laugher filled the room, resulting in numerous side cramps. Tormod nearly took out Kyza in a fit of hysterical laughter, and Ike could be heard cheering and high-fiving those around him.

Under the bright lights of the ballroom, Naesala sparkled like the sun, enchanting half the people in the room. At least, those who could still breathe. It remained this way for the better part of a few minutes until suddenly, a high-pitched shriek rang out.

"HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?" Mia screamed, grabbing Carmen's shoulders and shaking roughly.

"I DON'T KNOW!" She yelled back, trailing off into a high piercing note herself.

"You had something to do with this?" Grumbled the Raven King from beneath the hand that was covering his eyes. It would've been more threatening if he hadn't been glittering, people mused.

"NO! THAT'S JUST IT! OUR GLITTER DROPPING RIG WAS SET FOR AN HOUR FROM NOW, AND OVER THE CENTRE OF THE BALLROOM!" Whined Mia, waving her arms frantically above her head.

Half the audience twisted to look towards the roof, spotting that there was indeed a high-tech rig. A bucketful of glitter, and a rope to pull it down. Just about as complex as contraptions got around here. However, everyone still seemed to be shocked by it, or maybe they were just perplexed that no one had noticed the huge rope dangling into the middle of the room.

Carmen was furious. The trap she and Mia had worked for hours had been rendered worthless! Someone stole their idea, and did it first, and better... and she would have her revenge, oh yes! Revenge indeed...well, that sounded hard, so... maybe not.

Marcia then appeared at the top of the staircase, with her hands on her hips in a triumphant pose. Imaginary wind blew her hair and billowed in her cape, and at the perfect moment, she flipped her hair in slow-motion.

"Haha! My plan has succeeded! You may bow, if you wish." She called, not dropping her heroic stance.

_So it was her... she ruined this! _A certain rage was brewing beneath her skin, and blood was rushing to her face. _Marcia, of all people... and to think I trusted her! The nerve! _Why would she do this? Did she know nothing of how things worked around here? It was Carmen who did pranks, not anyone else unless they were helping. Furiously, she stormed to the bottom of the stairs, pushing cheering guests out of her path. Those were supposed to be her cheers.

"Marcia!" Carmen called, trying to keep her tone businesslike. Marcia was trotting down the stairs, waving merrily and beaming. Hearing her name, she glanced down at Carmen's angry face. Her hands dropped from her hips, and a low whistle escaped her lips as she realized how much trouble she was in.

Marcia paused halfway down the marble stairs, contemplating making a run for it, but she didn't need to.

"It's present time!" Mist had shouted, and party guests immediately responded. They ran to grab their gifts from the table, excited whispering to others what they'd gotten her. So Marcia was safe... for now.

Carmen, still seething, turned on her heels with one last glare toward her new enemy.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Haha, you all hate me! Alright, so I know these chapters are getting more and more chaotic as I try and fit more and more in, but I swear I'll eventually get back to the random, unrelated scenarios that end in the one punch line, unless you like it better this way. Lemme know what you think!

Also, be sure to check out a story I have: Ode to Mary-Sue Loving Freaks. It was written by my friend Ryder. (The inspiration of this story, besides you guys, of course) So if you hate Mary-Sues, check it out!

REVIEW LIKE THE WIND! OR LIKE A BUNCH OF REVIEWERS.


	5. Chapter 4 Part 2

**WELL HOWDY THERE, FOLKS! YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS? THAT'S RIGHT! IT'S 3:11 pm! AND I GOT LIKE NO SLEEP, SO WRITING Q AND A IS PROBABLY A BAD IDEA. MLAH MLAH MLAH IM HUNGRY. **

**Review Replies: **

**Cazcappy- Marcia is awesome, isn't she? She's the perfect character to go with the term "gallivanting". **

**SunLord89- Thank you so much! The Sothe on a Unicorn Incident is probably going to be the finale, or a separate one-shot if I feel like it.**

**Angel of Darkness and Light- Hey, welcome back! xD As usual, hearing you liked it means a lot to me. Thanks for reviewing! :D**

**Random FE Fan- OH MY GOD, I LOVE YOU. THIS REVIEW WAS AMAZING. I FRIGGING LAUGHED FOR 20 MINUTES. I ABSOLUTELY LOVELOVELOVE THAT IDEA. I'M WRITING IT RIGHT NOW, ACTUALLY, AND IT'S THE ROYAL KNIGHTS AND THE MERCENARIES. Essentially, it's what you said, but it's this whole murder mystery dinner party Elincia sets up. Geoffrey gets a little too caught up in it, and starts acting like the super-detective in real life. I plan to call it "Geoffrey and the Great Orange Mystery", or something along those lines. And made my day? THAT MADE MY LIFE.**

**PINKDIAMOND400- Omigosh, 4 review in a few minutes! That really made me feel awesome! :D thanks for reviewing. I'm glad you told me your favourite part, it was one part I liked when I wrote it. **

**SO THIS IS CHAPTER 4, PART 2! OF 2, I SWEAR. ONWARDS!**

**Question: What if #5 (Mia) cooked you dinner? (Still, because I never actually answered the question.)**

The presents were probably the most ridiculous thing about the entire event. Keep in mind that this event included glitter, dancing, and drunken antics. But the presents, oh the presents...

With all the guests, choosing an order as to who would give Mist the next wedding gift presented a challenge. Kieran was exclaiming about how being the Great Knight Kieran, Captain of the Crimean Royal Knight Fifth Platoon meant he had to be first. After out-yelling everyone else, he was indeed allowed to go before anyone else.

Carmen, who was disappointed at her failed attempt at being first, combined with her anger at a certain pink-haired pegasteed knight, sat fuming just outside the massive circle of cross-legged sitting guests. There was a small, clear glass bottle at the very center of them all, ready to be spun in order to choose the next gift-bearer.

"Here!" Kieran merrily shouted, thrusting a poorly wrapped, flexible package into her hands. Some sort of clothing article. Mist's eyes immediately widened at the thought of receiving a nice new dress, or a blouse, or... a rainbow cape. Of all the things in the world, Kieran got her a rainbow cape.

"Um... thanks... Kieran?"

"NOW YOU CAN BE MY NEW RIVAL! ONLY SOMEBODY WEARING THE MOST FANTABULOUS OF CAPES MAY FIGHT ME!"

Oscar looked horrified. "But- we! _We're_ rivals!" He choked, eyes wide and voice filled with hurt.

Kieran rounded on him slowly, as though rueing the moment he had to make eye contact. He shifted uncomfortably, ducking his head slightly in shame.

"Well... I mean, we had a good run, but... you just- no, I mean, I—"

But before he could finish, Oscar ran from the room, his eyes flooded with tears.

Someone blew out a low whistle. Kieran awkwardly made his way towards the bottle in dead silence. It spun around for a while on the marble floor, but the tip finally found its way to Rafiel. He smiled graciously and glided towards Mist. From his deep pocket he drew a thick but small-paged book and held it out to her.

It had golden-tipped pages, a black leather cover on it – written in silvery metallic material were the words "The Holy Bible". It was a gorgeous book, really, but Mist wasn't very religious. She accepted with astounding grace though, leaving the Heron looking quite pleased. Everything seemed to be calming down again after Oscar's little episode, at least until Gatrie went and ruined it by giving her lingerie as a present. If it weren't Gatrie, and he knew he wasn't serious, Ike probably may have shoved scissors deep into the knight's temple right then and there.

The bottle was spun many-a time by the end of the night, and the gifts were incredible. If by incredible, Carmen thought, meant completely varied and ridiculous.

There were typical wedding gifts, such as silverware from Oscar (who had been coaxed back into the room), a home security system from Elincia, a fancy embroidered handkerchief from Leanne, a latte maker from Tanith, and his/her towels and picture frames from Sigrun.

There were definitely some gifts that weren't exactly for Mist, too. Ulki gave her a pair of earmuffs, unsubtly complaining about the noise of the party, making her sigh and hand them right back to him. Ike got her a coupon of all things, and it appeared to be handmade, judging by the crayon printing. When questioned as to what it was for, he explained it was a coupon to get Naesala killed if he ever touched her. She made a point of ignoring him after that.

Pretty much every other gift was last-minute.

Rolf thrust an orange towards her when his turn came, an incredibly childish grin plastered to his face. Tormod grabbed Sothe's wrist and held it out to Mist for his, going on about how useful having a slave could be. Sothe's gift was a slap for Tormod, saying there was no better gift than silence. Zelgius simply unplugged his toaster and brought it, Sanaki stole the neighbour's cat, and Ilyana presented them with a piece of their own wedding cake.

Then, of course, were the presents that simply made no sense. Carmen was counting them off on her fingers, categorizing them. The Crazy Gifts List tallied at the most.

Caineghis- a Lightsaber. Rhys- a Bella Swan action figure. Ashnard- a lifejacket he had worn at the dinner party. Zihark- a toy train with a bright red caboose, which he begged to be allowed to come over later and play with. The list went on and on and on, one bad idea after another. Despite it all, Mist appeared to be enjoying herself, and that was all that mattered. She was ecstatic when Carmen and Mia brought in a pony.

Needless to say, it was an essentially injury-free party, minus the scrap Janaff and Ranulf got when they found they had both gotten her the Family Feud board game. By the time everyone was full of cake and was mingling happily, the party was ready to end. Guests slowly cleared out, all congratulating Mist and Naesala one last time.

Only her closest friends stayed late with her, but they also cleared when she retired to her room. Rhys and Zihark had asked if she would play Twilight with them first ("You see, Mist; we can put Bella on the train! WE'RE GOING TO FORKS, MIST, WOOHOO!") but it became obvious she was tired when she even refused that. She and Naesala were leaving for their honeymoon the next morning, something Shinon told Ike not to think about, because it would only make it worse. It might have possibly been a civil gesture if he hadn't gotten Mist baby stuff for the wedding gift.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

_Thud, thud, thud, thud._

Someone knocked on the door.

**(A/N)** **So now you're wondering, hey, why isn't the chapter over yet? What's going on now? I'll tell you. I was originally about to post the chapter above, all like "Yay! I actually posted something!" and then I realized I never answered the question, got really disappointed, and did this.**

Groggily, Carmen wretched it open. Standing there was a bright-eyed Mia, considerably awake for three in the morning.

"What the-"

"Here!" Mia shouted, thrusting something towards her. Carmen hadn't even noticed she'd been holding anything. Now in her hands was a platter of some sort, covered with a silver domed lid. Lifting it, she caught sight of a pile of tater tots. Unsure of whether to be thrilled with the gift of deep-fried happiness or confused as to why this was happening, she found herself standing there with a dumb look on her face.

"Er..." She said.

But Mia had already closed the door for her and disappeared.

_Huh._ Thought Carmen. _Free dinner. Cool. _

And so at three in the morning Carmen happily sat and started eating tater tots in the doorway.

**Okay, now it's really over. Bleh, that was really short for something that took months to write, huh? Also, thanks to Robyn McKensie, my best friend, for helping me write a long list of who was getting Mist what present. **

**Reviiieeeeww! And for those of you who frequently review, add this story to your alerts so I don't have to worry about whether or not you still love me. **

**SUPER SPECIAL THANK YOU AS USUAL TO SYNER FOR BETA READING! :D**


	6. Chapter 5

**Umm... hey there, guys. Remember me? I'm the chickie that hasn't updated in... *checks watch* about 2 years or something.**

**And... I'm sorry. I wrote all this when I was 13. Weird. I'm OLD now. I wonder if I'm still chuckle-worthy? This chapter was actually written way back when, but I never posted it because I planned on re-doing it. However, it seemed like to large of a task, and before I knew it, I hadn't posted in forever. So... if you guys wanna still love me... you know, that'd be kinda nice... **

**In other news, I have acquired two pet kittens. One has recently fallen through the ceiling and the other smells like pretzels. **

**Question: What if #6 (Rolf) fell asleep next to you at the beach?**

Rolf always loved summer. He loved the way the air smelled like heat, and he loved the cloudless sky doming above him. But what he loved more than anything else, however, was the annual trip to the beach.

The car ride there was a pain, being shoved into a van with other sweaty and excited video game characters... sounded kinda fun, actually... but really, it wasn't! At least the ride was only a half hour, and pretty soon, Rolf was standing on the beautifully littered, polluted beach.

"Look, Shinon! Look at the Sun! And all these pretty rocks! And that baby seagull dying in an oil spill!" He cheered.

Shinon grunted in response. Rolf knew Shinon didn't like the beach very much. Every time talk of the annual trip came up over the dinner table, he would grumble about how the beach made him feel like putting kittens in woodchoppers.

How could anyone not love the beach, though? Everyone bonded there, it was like a stereotypical movie! A few people were tanning (or burning, in Rhys' case); Tormod, Sothe, Oscar, Titania and Boyd were building the ultimate sand castle (which more resembled a lump of dry, sandy failure); and Gatrie and Mia were off doing something that would change the rating of this story. The ocean was most appetizing to him at the moment, so he rounded up a posse that he would go with.

Carmen, Volug, Laura, Mist, Ike, Soren, Edward and Zihark all agreed in the end, and into the water they went. Sort of. Laura got scared of the waves and stopped knee-deep, crying about sharks and octopi and fish touching her delicate porcelain skin and whatnot. Volug was doggy paddling after a ball Edward threw for him. Ike had Soren under one arm and Mist under the other, running full blast into the freezing water, ignoring their shrieks. Zihark and Carmen had gotten into a splashing fight that quickly turned violent, and they now seemed to be trying to drown each other.

_All is right in the world, _thought Rolf, as he dived into the ocean.

XXX

"Aw man, that was best!" cheered Rolf. I was mid-afternoon now, the Sun blazing overhead, and they group had only now gotten out of the water. They were all lying side-by-side next to the sun tanners, already drying and tired to the point of exhaustion.

"That was better than the time we pranked Naesala on his wedding day"

"You mean yesterday?"

"Yeah." She answered dreamily. "Yesterday... and Rolf? You look like a prune."

"Well... well so do you!" Snapped Rolf. He couldn't deny the salt water's effect on his feet and hands, but it still made him feel insecure.

"Ah," said Carmen, "but I am a sexy prune."

"No you're not, you're a big, dumb, ugly prune!" Shouted Rolf impulsively. He knew right then and there he could consider himself added the-

You're number one on the "The Carmen List of Revenge List", moss-head, mark my words!" The girl screeched storming off. She briefly stopped to kick sand in the lifeguard's face.

"Thank you, Redundancy Department of Redundancy!" He called after words. He chuckled to himself. He was too funny sometimes.

_May as well take a nap before revenge time, _Rolf decided. And with that, he dozed into a comfortable sleep.

He had a dream about Soren dressed up as Dorothy, skipping down the yellow brick road with Volug on a leash, Leonardo as the Tinman, Skrimir and the Lion and Ranulf as that brainless Scarecrow. Lethe and Lyre were the witches, and Boyd was the Wiz himself. All in all, it was a pretty trippy dream, especially when Dream Soren got mad about having to be Dorothy and set a small village aflame.

Finally, after ending in a big High School Musical dance sequence, the dream was over, and Rolf woke to gales of laughter.

"Whaaaaat?" He grumbled sleepily. "Is it time to go?" Mia shook her head frantically to say _no_ before being taken down by a stitch in her side.

Shinon, laughing harder than anyone had ever seen him, produced a handheld mirror from his hammerspace and handed it to Rolf. Finally he had seen what was so hilarious.

Carmen has taken the liberty of writing on his face in permanent black marker. For the rest of his life, Rolf would be known as "**CAPTAIN PRUNE FACE"**.

**Well, that's it! I hope the... 2 year break was worth it... eheheh... so I need motivation to keep writing. That's the big thing. The next chapter is bound to be interesting, seriously. I can't wait... so that's why I would like to ask for at least 6 or 7 reviews for this chapter, to keep with the current amount I'm getting- 7 per. It means a lot to me! Thank you so much for reading and most likely not hating my ever-lovin' neck for being kinda a dumb arse and not writing!**


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